Alcoholics (1347 | sorting by most liked)

A man was sipping his whisky, while sitting on the balcony with his wife and he says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."

The wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"

He replies, "It's me..... talking to the whisky...😋

 
3683
 
2052 days
 
BOBJJ

Ek din Santa ek bar me beer ka mug le kar baitha hua muskura raha tha. Banta ne usko dekha aur uske paas gaya. 😋

Banta: Bada muskura raha hai tu gandu... Baat kya hai??😉

Santa: Kal machhli pakadne gaya tha main. Nadi kinaare ek ladki mili. Usko Nadi paar karni thi. Maine usko apni boat me bithaya aur beech nadi me boat rok di aur usko kaha,
"YA TO MUJHSE CHUDWA LE, YA PAANI ME KOOD JA." Aur us bechari ko tairna nahi aata tha.
Tu to jaanta hai boat me chodne ke maje hi alag hai.☺😃

Banta: Gazab kismat hai teri madarchod.😜

Agle din Santa usi bar me usi table par beer ka mug le kar baitha hua jor jor se ro raha tha. Banta fir uske paas gaya.😄

Banta: Ye lund ke tope jaisa muh bana k kyu ro raha hai???😱

Santa: Kal fir se machhli pakadne gaya tha main. Nadi kinaare ek ladki mili. Usko bhi Nadi paar karni thi. Maine usko apni boat me bithaya aur beech nadi me boat rok di aur usko kaha,
"YA TO MUJHSE CHUDWA LE, YA PAANI ME KOOD JA." Usne apni pant utaari. Andar se 9 inch ka LUND nikla aur bhai..... TAIRNA MUJHE BHI NAHI AATA THA"😔😭😭
😁😃😝

 
3030
 
2052 days
 
THE JOKER

ताकत पाने की तीन चीजें :-

1) "घी" असर करता है 3 दिन में..

2) "दूध" असर करता है 3 घंटे में..
और..

3) "दारू" असर करता है 3 मिनट में..

पसंद आपकी आपको कैसी ताकत चाहिए !!!

सभी समस्याओं का एक ही हल
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
एल्को हल....😎

तौहीन ना कर शराब को कड़वा कह कर,
जिंदगी के तजुर्बे शराब से भी कड़वे होते है...

।। कहते है पीनेवाले मर जाते है जवानी में ।।
।। हमने तो बुजुर्गों को जवान होते देखा है मैखाने में ..!

 
2754
 
791 days
 
Shubhiii

Guess d names of these alcohols:

1.👑 🐠
2.⚫ 🐕
3.👴 🐵
4.☕ 💺
5.👵 🚗 D
6.🕗
7.👑 💪
8.🔵 🎀
9.🇬🇧 💊
10.🎒 🎷
11.🎤 ✌

 
2581
 
1974 days
 
Dream Catcher

AAP CHUTIYE HAIN ------------ ULTIMATE COLLECTION !!

Agar aap gym mein Itna workout karte hain ki aapki chest aapki girlfriend se badi dikhti hai toh ronnie coleman ki kasam AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

-------------------------------

ladki k chakkar me suicide karne walo...saare brahmand ki nazron me aap aashiq nahi AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

-------------------------------

Kisi Marketing SMS ko apne 9 dosto ko forward krke ye sochna ki apko 51.42 ka talktime milega, kasam Bharti mittal ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

-------------------------------

agar aap apni Saheli (girlfriend) ki recharge p recharge karaye ja rhe hai par fir bhe wo aapko MISS CALL hi karti hai aur aap uske yeh baat maan lete hai ki wo JALANDHAR WALE BUA se baat kar rhi the isleye balance khatm hogyaa ,,,
to kasam Vodafone ke zoozoo ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

-------------------------------

agar aap software install karte vakht Next-next click kar k bin dekhe add-ons install karte hain, toh ask tool bar ke searchbox me aapke liye likha hoga ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

-------------------------------

Mumbai me rehkar "OMG I saw tusshar kapoor today- best day of my life!!" type status lagane wale, kasam uspe aye 5 likes ki kasam, AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

-------------------------------

Ganesh sthaapna ke mauke pe "halkat jawaani" gaana bajaake naachne walo, Aap Chutiye Hain

-------------------------------

Non-veg and shraab tuesdays & thursdays ko naa kha-Peeke agar aap sochte hai ke bhagvan apse khush ho jayenge to kasam KFC ke full Fried chicken bucket ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

-------------------------------

agar apne dosto ko chhor ke aap 24 ghante ladkiyo mein ghuse rehte hein toh aap Cocktail ke hero nahi, AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

-------------------------------

AND THE ULTIMATE ONE !!!


Agar aap Sab Se Costly i-phone lete ho aur $1cost ki wajah se Whatsapp install nahi karte ho to
China mobile use karne wale bhi kahenge ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN😂😂

 
2541
 
2070 days
 
Jaimin

Ek Ladka Ghar se bhaag kar Mumbai chala gaya.

Wahan kaam dhandha toh kuch mila nahin aur daaru ki latt aur lag gayi.

Poora din koi chhota mota kaam karke raat ko desi daaru pee ke, nashe mein dhutt hoke ek garage ke baahar so jaata tha.

Ek raat garage ka maalik Santa kisi kaam se aaya aur usay wo ladka sota huya dikha.

Smart sa ladka dekh ke Santa ka Lund khada ho gaya aur usne ladke ki Gaand maar li.

Santa ko daya bhi aayi aur usne uss ladke ki Jeb mein ek 50 ka Note bhi rakh diya.

Ladke ko Nashe mein kuch pata nahi chala aur agle din subah uthkar usay jeb mein 50 ka Note mila toh wo khushi se pagal ho gaya aur uss din zyada desi daaru pee.

Ab toh roz ka silsila chaalu ho gaya..... Santa roz raat ko uski Gaand maarta aur uski Jeb mein 50 ka note rakh deta.

Ek Raat Santa ke 3 Dost bhi aa gaye aur sabne uss Ladke ki gaand maari aur sabne 50-50 rupiye bhi rakh diye.

Agle din Ladke ne dekha ki Jeb mein 200 Rs hain.....Wo paise lekar seedha Theke par gaya aur bola:

Ladka : Bhai.....Aaj Desi nahin Angreji ka Pauwa de......Saala Desi pee pee ke Gaand mein dard hone laga hai.

 
2441
 
1877 days
 
Mu$@fir

Ek chuha sharab k drum me gir gaya,
.
.
.
.
.
bahar nikal kar mast hokar sath mai soye hui Billi ki puchh pe pao rakh kr bola:"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
UTH MUNNI, CHULBUL PANDEY TERA DANCE DEKHNE AAYA HAI":p :O :D

 
2336
 
1982 days
 
Anp

Santa ko neat whisky peeta dekh ek aadmi bola:
"aapne daru mein paani nahi milaya?"

Santa: "Abey main Santa hun; itna paani toh hamare mooh mein daru ko dekhte hi aa jaata hai!"😂😜😝

 
2228
 
1978 days
 
Alcoholics

Grls hostel ka guard roz daru pine ke baad gali bakta tha
mera nam jivanlal, kiski chut me kitne baal ?
Ek ladki sunkar boli: meri chut me itne baal ki phas jayega jivanlal. 3dino tak sunne ke baad..
Jivanlal: goli chalegi fatak se, chut phategi jatak se, jal jayenge sare baal, bach niklega jivanlal !
Ladki: Surakshit kale mere baal vesmol ne kiya kamal.
Bach jayenge mere baal, maa chudaye jivanlal😜

 
2178
 
2081 days
 
Premal

Shehar bhar me hamari 2hi pehchan hai 😉

Aankhe sharabi 😍
Aur aadat nawabi 👑😎

 
2165
 
1482 days
 
StaLLioN55 !!
LOADING MORE...
BACK TO TOP